Marriage Tune-up step 3: Husbands Lead

A husband is to be the leader.

1. Lead your household. (period)  That’s the job God gave you, not your wife. Ephesians 5:23
2. Lead your wife. You accepted that position before God when you married her. Remember also, when she married you, she accepted the position of a helper to you and to submit to you. She is therefore vulnerable and open to exploitation. Husbands please remember that, and to not take advantage of her or “lord it over” her. You cannot lead her well until you love her biblically, and dwell with her understandingly.
3. Serve her. Yes, that’s right, humbly serve her. Great leaders serve their people, which helps those people do their jobs better. Matthew 20:26-28. Be a great leader that removes obstacles that prevent your wife from blooming into a fantastic wife and servant of God.
4. Lead her spiritually. Ensure she is growing in the Lord, and maturing as a Christian.   This is a great responsibility given to you, don’t disappoint God and neglect this role. Recognize times when you need to wash her with the Word of God: Ephesians 5:26. She is your greatest ministry. Get her to church regularly and involved in biblically based groups or studies, ensure she is in the Word via daily devotions, personal study, or something she can engage in that will challenge her, inspire her, and motivate her.
5. As the leader, you should have the final say, but you give equal time to your wife’s views and wishes. Don’t let contentions escalate, calm things down and discuss rationally as Proverbs 17:14 says. Proverbs 16:24 tells you to choose your words carefully; think before you speak.
   Great leaders work alongside their co-workers. Work alongside of your wife. That is why God made her from Adam’s rib, she belongs at his side, under his arm, and as his helper. You two are joined together as one. Make sure of that! Matthew 19:5 You should earn her trust, just as God has proven He is faithful and trustworthy, and has our best at heart.
6. Protect your marriage. Honor your marriage. Respect your marriage. All of those take work.
   1. Make being a godly husband your priority. Get better, or you will get bitter.
   2. Learn to be a godly husband. Seek counsel, read books on marriage, ask questions, review these notes annually. Read what God says frequently. Proverbs 12:15
   3. Commit to work at your marriage. Proverbs 13:10 “Insolence” (blind arrogance or ignorance that all is OK) is easy & natural, but working on your marriage is hard, do it anyway.
   4. Be there for your Wife. Ask her what that means to her. In Genesis 3, where was Adam?
   5. Be the steady rock and the even keel, not the opposite. (no egg shells around you, no drama, no anger, but set the example, be the example) Proverbs 15:17 and 18
   6. Don’t put your marriage or family into harmful situations. Always be wise & discerning.
7. Lead by example. Be the spiritual stalwart in your family. Read your Bible and pray daily, it’s OK that your family knows you do. Deuteronomy 6:6-8 Set some standards in your home:
   • of beauty and appropriate attire for your Wife and children.
   • of masculinity in your sons. Masculinity in your daughter’s boyfriends.
   • of character and integrity.
   • of speech. (spoken and listened to)
   • of entertainment. Psalm 101:3
   • of self-discipline and teach how to do it
   • of peace, no eggshells around you. Proverbs 17:14
   • of prayer and Scripture study. (personal and family)

To use biblical terms, men are to be these 4 things to their Wife and family (can be said of Jesus too):
–Prophet (Proclaim/teach God’s Word to your family)
–Priest (The godly head of the household, the one in charge, who they go to for advice and help)
–Protector (Strong and confident tower, keep evil away, stalwart, prevents & handles troubles)
–Provider (Provide refuge, sense of security, make better, fix things, even keel, monetary provider)